Understanding the signs

​​Part of helping to prevent child sexual abuse is being able to identify other people’s unsafe behaviour around children.
Unfortunately, it is not always easy to identify people who sexually abuse children. This is because people who harm children do not look any different than other people, and are most often people known and trusted by the family. Often, they are also members of the family and may be a child or young person themselves.
People who sexually abuse children typically ‘groom’ or prepare the family and child so they can carry out the abuse. They first usually gain the trust of the family, and then move on to create a special bond with the child, and make opportunities to be alone with the child. This process is called ‘grooming’.
Sometimes children are threatened to keep quiet about the abuse, and other times the child is encouraged to see the behaviour as a special or positive thing.
The first thing adults can do to identify possible ‘grooming’ is to look beyond WHO the people are around our kids, and focus on WHAT they are doing.  While it is often difficult to see, there are some behaviours that might indicate that someone is ‘grooming’ you or your child for sexual abuse.  Look out for people who:

• give gifts to children for no reason
• have a ‘favourite’ child
• like to be alone with a child
• have sleepovers with children
• don’t respect personal privacy and boundaries of children (e.g. walking in on children in the bathroom or getting dressed, tickling or holding children when they are uncomfortable with what is going on)
• offer to babysit alone with children
• comment on children’s bodies and sexual development
• seem annoyed or impatient if their time alone with kids is interrupted or observed.

Activity:

• Let your child know that you want to know if ANYONE breaks the three touching rules for private parts.
  • Let them know that you will believe and listen to them even if it is someone you know and love.
• Read ‘What’s Wrong with Bottoms’ with your child and talk about how good it is that the boy told his mum about the uncle touching his bottom.
• For extra information check out the booklet ‘Ending Offending Together’ (link http://rpe.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Ending_Offending_Together1.pdf )

 
 

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