Have a NO secrets rule ....

People who sexually abuse children often encourage children to keep what they are doing a secret using:

• Guilt e.g. ‘you made me do this’, ‘this would destroy your mother if she found out’’,
• Denial e.g. ‘no one will believe you’
• Fear e.g. ‘if you tell I will kill your pet/ sister/ family’, or
• By making a child feel special e.g. ‘this is our special secret’.

We can help protect children from grooming and abuse by creating a ‘no secrets rule’ with kids. This kind of a rule can mean that people with harmful behaviours are less likely to choose your family to abuse; and if they do try to sexually abuse a child, the child is more likely to tell because they know that secrets are not allowed.
Make sure that children understand they should never keep a secret about any kind of touching, and that they won’t get into trouble if they tell you about any kind of secret.
This Week’s Activities:

• Make a ‘no secrets in our family’ poster or download a colouring in page with your kids and hang it on the fridge.
• Let kids know that you want to know if someone tries to get them to keep a secret and that nothing bad will happen to them (or anyone else) if they tell.
• Tell extended family members and caregivers about your ‘no secrets’ rule and ask for their support by not asking the kids to keep any secrets.
• Find out more about how other families deal with having a ‘no secrets’ rule.
• Help older pre-school children differentiate between secrets and a surprises by giving them scenarios and asking them to tell you if they think it is a secret or a surprise. E.g. “if I said ‘don’t tell your brother you got ice-cream while they were asleep’ would that be a secret or a surprise?”  and “If your mum takes you shopping to buy your sister a birthday present and tells you not to tell anyone what you bought, would you call that a Secret or a Surprise?” Be clear that a surprise is something people will find out about it soon and people can talk openly about it, but a secret is something people are asked to never tell anyone about.
• Read ‘What’s wrong with bottoms’ or watch ‘Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept’ and ask the kids to spot when a character comes across a secret. Ask the kids what the character should do about it?